What do I know of Holy?

   A couple weeks after Easter Vigil, a fellow parishioner and I were talking after Mass about my baptism and confirmation experience.  When she asked me, "so do you feel holy now?" I cringed on the inside.  I didn't know what to say, so I just shrugged and mumbled something under my breath.  Me? Holy? 

           

Generally, when I think of holiness, I think of a burning bush, or people disintegrating into a pile of salt because they disobeyed the words of a Holy God.  Holiness is something unapproachable, a characteristic that belongs completely to God and something that a little, insignificant thing like me shouldn't mess with.  Holiness is wholly unavailable to me, a wholly inconceivable notion for me to even consider. When I'm confronted with it I echo Moses: plea, “Who is like you, O Lord, among the gods? Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in splendor…?"¹

As we got into the car to drive home that day, the first song that came on the radio was this one:

I made You promises a thousand times

I tried to hear from Heaven But I talked the whole time

I think I made You too small. I never feared You at all

If You touched my face would I know You?

Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You

Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood

But the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out

I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about

How You were mighty to save

Those were only empty words on a page

Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be

The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees²

            Even now, months after that conversation, that question sticks with me, "do you feel Holy?"  The answer is no.  I don't, actually.  But here's the thing, holiness is not determined by the way that I feel. (Praise God!)  In fact, I often feel that holiness isn’t really even worth pursuing because I’ll never achieve it, I’ll never even get close. And yet…

           

“Instead, as he who called you is holy, be holy yourselves in all your conduct; for it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”³

            So what am I supposed to do with this?  What do I know of Holy? 

I know that it’s not a suggestion and I know that it’s not based on feeling.  It’s a command – plain and simple.  But in the words of St. Paul, I cry out “wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?”⁴ I know that I have no hope of achieving it outside of the redemption of Christ Jesus.  I know that even the slightest hint of His holiness has brought me to my knees over and over again, especially in pursuit of my own holiness.  I know that at the beginning of Lent, when Father Leonardo placed those ashes on my head, they were transformed into beauty as I rose up out of the baptismal font on Easter Vigil.  I know that the white robe I wore afterward was a symbol of the holiness that was miraculously bestowed on me because of Christ’s redemptive work on the cross.  I know that “there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus” and finally, I know that that the “law of the Spirit of Life” has set me free from the “law of sin and death.”⁵

So do I feel holy? Still the answer is no, not really.  I am readily aware of my own sin and unworthiness, but that’s not really the right question, is it?  Am I holy?  The question is yes, in part, for now.  Upon my baptism I received a “robe of righteousness” that came from Christ Jesus Himself.⁶ And upon that day that the Lord calls me to His Glory, I will wear it for all eternity. 

But there’s still the nitty gritty, down and dirty stuff to deal with until that day.  Here is where the rubber meets the road.  I may not feel Holy all the time, but I am commanded to be Holy by the Lord Himself!  Not only that, how could I not fall on my knees and let go of all the trappings of life to pursue Holiness in earnest? The answer is clear – I must and I will. 

That is what I know of Holy.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us,  looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners, so that you may not grow weary or lose heart.”⁷

1: Exodus 15:11

2: What Do I Know of Holy, by Addison Road

3: 1 Peter 1:15

4: Romans 7:24

5: Romans 8:1-2

6: Baruch 5:1-3

7: Hebrews 12: 1-3

*All scripture is quoted in the NRSV